


You Need Subsidy

by mmmdraco



Category: Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Genre: Based on a Donald Trump Speech, Crack, Gen, Mutation, Windmills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 00:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: The birds hover still.





	You Need Subsidy

**Author's Note:**

> For a friend's birthday, she wanted to watch bad movies. This was movie number one. When I read [this bit of speech from Trump](https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/1031286767750664198) a few days later, I was inspired. This isn't good, but neither is Trump or Birdemic.

Nathalie clutched her hand to her chest, fingers just brushing the peeking out top of the pale blue bra she'd been wearing since the fateful day that the birds had attacked, killing everyone she knew except maybe her mother since she'd sort of forgotten about her anyway because, hey, mutated birds attacking and also her favorite powerful Rod. Also the children they'd rescued who conveniently look like children she might have with Rod anyway! Then she could bypass the being pregnant. The bird attacks had killed roughly 40% of the Victoria's Secret staff, after all. Just in case they didn't actually put her on a cover this year, she'd need to stay skinny.

The birds still hovered out at sea as they had since the doves first chased them off. It had been nearly two weeks of watching them awkwardly flap their mutated wings while setting up camp on the beach since they still hadn't found any fuel after Rod forget to grab the gas can the man tried to steal. They were also out of fuel for the camp stove, but luckily the St. Martin Wildfire had just grazed a tree near the beach where it managed to fall over in a way to make a shelter and set them up with fire in a conveniently premade firepit on the beach. 

Then Rod came over with a peculiar looking man. He looked more than a little orange, like the darkest shade in a drugstore foundation range, but his hair was clearly dyed blonde over too much gray. His clothing fit oddly and his mouth was pursed together like someone whose dentures weren't quite staying in place. Nathalie gestured to the man but spoke to Rod. "Honey, who is this guy?"

Rod smiled and patted the man's shoulder. "This is Donald Trump. I am the latest person that he has been talking to, so he is going along with what I say! We've made a deal. I'm going to build him a windmill at half off to prove how it's better than coal."

Nathalie clapped her hands together and jumped up and down slightly, then stopping when Trump's eyes wouldn't leave her cleavage. As she stopped, she managed to take a step back just as his hand reached out toward her. She grabbed it and shook it quickly, certain he was just old and confused about how to shake hands anymore.

Trump pointed to the windmill that Rod was already halfway done building despite them not having the ability to even move the gas-guzzling vehicle they had taken. "The birds will kill it."

"They'll... kill it?" Nathalie glanced out at the horizon, but the birds still hovered. "No, the doves drove them off."

"They'll kill it. Bing. That's the end of that one." Trump squinted up at the sun. "You need subsidy."

It was with a shiver down her spine that Nathalie heard Rod yell, "Look at this windmill!" and then heard the screeching caw of the birds suddenly back upon them with the doves nowhere to be found.

Trump laughed as the birds flew toward the windmill, several colliding with it and exploding as they always did. Their dead bodies piled at the foot of the windmill until it suddenly tilted toward her, collapsing forward and crushing Trump. Fortunately, Rod had been up top by the blade and was unharmed as he hopped off of it next to her, giving her a kiss as the last of the mutated birds crashed into the fallen windmill right where Trump was struggled to move. The explosion warmed Nathalie's skin just as she realized that Trump reminded her strongly of the mutated birds. Had they come in contact with the same pathogen?

Still, there were children to feed. They couldn't power the camp stove with the windmill like she'd been hoping, but it looked like Trump had accidentally dropped an uneaten bucket of KFC! And with the scraps of that, they might be able to begin to brew the biodiesel that Rod had loved so much in his college years that might take them back home to their respective modeling and sales jobs.


End file.
